I’ve just learned there is a group planning a 50th year high school reunion for our class of 1973. Clearly some people are so excited about this idea, and I am excited that I don’t feel a need to go!
My high school years were not easy, and they are all such a vague memory for me. Life at home was not calm, and there’s more I can say here, but I think this is enough. I went to school to escape home, and when I was home, I didn’t think much about school other than punishment was harsh if my grades weren’t above a C.
When I was invited to the private FB group of 1973 classmates , a lot of emotions came up for me. It took me a few days to make a connection between those emotions and this upcoming reunion. I felt haunted by some of my high school memories, and I really had to check some of them at the door. So much can happen in 50 years, yet our former self can generate some strong emotions.
Since I wasn’t really sure who I was as a teen, it was even harder for others to sort that out. So how do I sit in a room with these people today? The thought makes me cringe a little, no a lot. What do I say? Hi, I’m not that lost girl you met 50 years ago, I’ve dug through my can of worms, and I’m doing life differently now? This feels like I’m explaining myself to perfect strangers.
I DO know who I am today, and that’s enough for me. I have only maintained a few friendships with people I went to high school with, and a made a few Facebook connections with people I didn’t know very well. Some of them I know better now than I did in high school.
A few friends have encouraged me to go, offering up that it would be good for me to let people see me and how far I’ve come in life. Yet it feels odd to me, that I would fly up to New Jersey to spend time with people I barely know. I could spend that same money and time at a really nice resort with my little family bonding and connecting.
I love that I’ve reached a time and age in my life where I know how to say no when something doesn’t work for me. We all lived different experiences growing up, and there’s no need to feel any pressure to show up for people we haven’t seen in 50 years.
I’m curious … do you attend your high school and college reunions? I know for some of my friends who are less than an hour from their home town, these reunions are enjoyable events. I have moved several times, all away from where I grew up, and where I live today is truly ‘home’ for me. Where I grew up in New Jersey is a lovely place, I love to drive through and enjoy the nostalgia, but that is my level of interest and investment.
The coolest thing I’ve taken from these emotions and this experience is my ability to say ‘I don’t want to go’ and not feel guilty about it, to not question what’s wrong with me that I don’t gravitate to these events, but to feel 100% comfortable and happy with my decision.
There may be meetings at work, or social events or family gatherings that are important to you, and … there may also be meetings, events and gatherings you can excuse yourself from but don’t because you are trying to please others.
I don’t offer up advice, but I will say I hope you can find comfort in making the decisions that work best for you.
<3
.
Hi Sue, I just read your comments and feelings on the reunion. I agree with you 100%, but I don't know anything about it. I did see somewhere that Tom Seeley was putting it together, but that's all. Please let me know what they are planning, I'm not going but I am just curious. Hope everything is good with you guys, and I would love to talk to you soon. Have a great week and hope to talk soon. Love, Sue
Hi. This is Susan's sister writing, and all I can say is "ditto". We were seven years apart, but both of us left high school feeling hallelujah. I have little desire to look back on that time. Life was fraught at home and felt even more intense during adolescence. It was not a time for personal development for me, and I'm guessing for Susan, too. Seems like reunions are for those under the peak of the bell curve who on average remember the social part of high school fondly. More power to them. We all have to play the hand we're dealt, and Susan and I have both landed in good places, for which I am very grateful. High school wasn't a big part of that for us, but we have good lives now. Thanks for this food for thought, Susan.