I believe we all crack open at different times, in various ways and definitely open in varying amounts.
The more comfortable we are in our own skin, the deeper we can go with ourselves and others. Narrative coaching has certainly been a catalyst in helping me to feel, live and speak from a much deeper place.
In a few weeks, the course work of the 9-month journey will end for me. The lasting effects and connections I’ve made will live on and be part of whatever is next for me. I’m already attracting clients who share similar ideas.
I knew when I signed up for the Narrative coaching course, that I, my beliefs and personal philosophy were closely aligned with the ideas and principles behind it. I had not read Dr. David Drake’s book yet, but I had been following him for a few years at the WBECS (World Business & Executive Coach Summit) annual summit.
I also noticed and acknowledged feeling some fear around signing up, that perhaps this program was too advanced for me. I now feel very relieved that I stepped past that fear, and listened to my gut.
“Maybe you are searching amongst the branches, for what only appears in the roots.” Rumi
If you’ve known me very long, you know my intuition is one of my super powers. I rely on it quite a bit in my work and my life. This course helped me to add significant depth, design and direction to my intuitive listening and coaching.
My very first powerful experience came from the first stretch exercise. It had to do with us and a tree. We have 4 very large and old live oaks in our yard, one that is truly spectacular. The exercise was to sit on the ground, leaning into the tree and feel the support of it and imagine myself knowing that kind of pillar or foundation. This was a level of scaffolding I’m not sure I’ve known before, I actually teared up.
This is not a program where you can try too hard or overthink any of it. It has been much more of an education in learning to sit with information, to know and appreciate silence, practicing it quietly, trusting the information and my own personal rhythm. This practice has helped me to trust myself and know that all I need is right in front of me.
We learn to work with clients through some critical rites of passage as they face certain transitional phases in life. This involves the crossing of significant thresholds as they move in and out of their inner and outer worlds. While in the work, I crossed one these thresholds to realize I need to allow myself to live, feel and share on a deeper level, to not hide this deeper self and to share it freely.
I have heard and read more than once that we cannot take a client deeper than we are willing to go ourselves. I firmly believe this, and it makes so much sense.
Shadow work:
I’ve only recently started delving into my shadow work! Can you believe I’ve spent this many years (well over 40 years:) looking the other way from parts of myself that matter? This immersive journey into ‘self’ I am about to embark on and complete helps us to hone in on this work for ourselves and our clients.
Another reminder that we can’t ask clients to go deeper than we ourselves are willing to go. My trusted advisor and coach asked me what I hoped to achieve by reaching inside and doing this work. And I said freedom., wholeness, more self love.
“We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can't have both. Not at the same time.”
Brené Brown
I’ve done my share of therapy and coaching, yet I had not knowingly done any shadow work until now. The concept of ‘our shadow’ has always made sense to me, yet the actual application of it eluded me.
Today I’m finally understanding and realizing what it means to do this work, to face our shadow and invite this work in. Our shadow is maybe the deepest part of ourself, not one we always want to see, yet embracing it helps us know ourselves better and more readily accept others as they are.
Introducing Play into our framework:
Offering clients a secure base to explore and experiment with their new journey encourages them with confidence and the courage to try new things. It also allows them the comfort to begin sharing their authentic self and new identities with others in a safe space with a trusted confidant (their coach/consultant).
“Play is one of the most significant avenues through which a child figures out who they are and how to relate to others. - Dr. David Drake
Goals vs. intentions:
Another common idea I share with Dr. David Drake is that goals are not always a great place to start for a number of reasons. One of my favorite lessons from this work is that the person who achieves a goal is not the same person who sets it. I have always preferred intention setting. Maybe this is from my 30 + years of practicing yoga, I’m not really sure.
To quote Dr. Drake:
“Setting a clear intention keeps coaches (clients) focused on trusting themselves which allows them to be fully in the flow, engaged in the experience and aware of what’s happening. Operating from goals often keeps people focused on the outcome, which means they are out of the flow because they are worried about making a mistake.”
This carries meaning for me. As I sit on my mat in a yoga class and an instructor offers us an opportunity to set an intention for our practice, I’m laser focused on dedicating my practice to this intention rather than an end goal. This intention occurs to me frequently throughout my practice, particularly when I’m working through a challenging pose. I’ve given this intention meaning and purpose, I’m committed to it in a deep and beautiful way.
Radical presence:
One of the most meaningful lessons I take with me after the past nine months. In life, in my work with people, in everything, radical presence is a thoughtful gift we ourselves and anyone we connect deeply with. Sitting against that 100 year old Oak tree was the most intense level of radical presence I’ve ever felt or known. It left me in feeling unbreakably strong, in tears and in the knowledge that what I previously believed was true presence was only an honorable effort.
Thanks for reading and allowing me to share this experience with you. I am excited to be bringing all of this experience and these lessons forward to clients, friends and family. I am repeatedly drawn to learning, growing and leaning toward the light.
Big Love,
Susan
Thanks for sharing these very vivid and meaningful experiences with us. You are fearless in your journey to know yourself better and to be a wise and caring resource for your clients.